[SHAGGY'S "THE TRAIN IS COMING" PLAYING]
[CAR HORN HONKING]
WOMAN: Ow.
MAN: Excuse us. Merry Christmas.
WOMAN: Some people
[SINGING "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS"
WOMAN: Watch it.
Drunk. Happy Christmas.
MAN: Do you have any more subway maps?
[SINGING BLUES SONG]
WOMAN: Merry Christmas.
[SINGING] I thank you very much
[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]
[SINGING "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS"]
[MEN TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
THUG 1: Yo, check estúрido. Where you going, bro?
Yo, G, look like the five-0.
This fucking guy ain't the five-0. Shut up. Just catch my back.
You a cop, bro, huh?
[BURPS]
THUG 2: Let's go. Let's go, buddy. Let's go.
I told you this nigga ain't no five-0. He's been drinking.
Go back to sleep. It’s cool.
JOHN: Okay, he's checking out the D.
He's checking out the D.
We have two Hispanic males.
Just wait to see if they're in the game or not.
THUG 1: He's too stupid to be alive. Let's do this.
Oh, shit. This shit looks familiar. You know what I’m saying?
All right, he's got his slice. Everybody stay alert.
THUG 1: Nigga's got my ring.
Been looking all over for that, man.
THUG 2: Check that out, buddy. Oh, shit. He's wearing my watch.
Nobody go till you see the sign. He's gonna pull his lapel.
THUG 1: What you gonna give me for Christmas, white boy? Huh?
THUG 2: Oh, shit!
THUG 1: Motherfucking white boy. Bingo! Bingo!
THUG 2: Shit!
Stay.
Get the fuck out of my way!
Yo, sucker! Move! Come on!
Move, move, move! What the shit? MAN 1: Get out the way!
CHARLIE: Come on, Grandma.
Ah!
Ha, ha, ha. No laying down on the job!
CHARLIE: Glad my pain amuses you.
MAN: Hey, jerk!
JOHN: Come on, come on! Move!
TA! TA!
KOWALSKI: Wait. Wait. Slow down. Slow down. You got cops down there?
Right. Understood. All right, listen up.
Six line, Wall Street station.
I want all trains north and south of that location
to stop and stay. Do it.
[###]
[BEEPING]
[PHONE BUZZING]
Doesn't he ever sleep?
Yeah. During the day. In a coffin. Kowalski.
You're stopping trains. I wanna know why.
We got a police action. Six line, south of Wall Street.
Decoy cops in the tunnel. Where is the revenue train?
We're holding it at Wall Street. Send it through.
Sir, we got cops on the tracks down there.
Send it through.
Nothing stops the money train.
[###]
[GRUNTING]
[TRAIN HORN TOOTING]
Money train! Did I tell you I got a new plan?
JOHN: Do we have to talk about this now?
[###]
THUG 1: Get the fuck out of the way!
WOMAN: Here's the cash. Must've sold a lot of tokens today.
TA!
COP 1: Watch it, guys!
Watch it. I think he's got a gun! COP 2: Watch it!
Freeze! COP 3: They're not stopping!
Freeze! CHARLIE: No!
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
JOHN: Hey! Hey! Hey! Come on! Come on! Yo!
CHARLIE: TA, man! Let me see your hands.
COP 1: I don't believe this shit.
Come on! Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're cops.
Oh, jeez. Back up, man. Back up. Back up.
Look who it is. It's the Transit Twins.
Look at this. JOHN: Did you have to?
CHARLIE: Oh, shit.
You had to shoot him? It's a fucking kid.
Oh, damn, damn!
COP 1: We got standing orders to drop anybody that comes at us.
Does he look like a train robber? A what?
Don't be trying to hang the blame on us here.
CHARLIE: Are you fucking crazy? Huh?
You ran him down the plat.
If you didn't fuck up, he'd be alive. What'd you say? Huh?
I said you fucked up! Come on! You're not gonna hit him.
Why not? Because I’m gonna hit him.
Motherfucker.
CHARLIE: Get the fuck off of me!
JOHN: Get the fuck over here! Get off me, motherfucker!
WOMAN [ON INTERCOM]: Chief, those detectives from the decoy squad are here.
PATTERSON: Yeah. Sit down.
And don't bleed on my chair.
No, sir, Chief Patterson.
PATTERSON: That report says you're brothers.
You, sir, are a Negro.
He is white. Is somebody trying to jack me off?
[CHUCKLES]
No, sir. Actually, we're foster brothers.
Yeah. See, I ran away from this orphanage, and then--
PATTERSON: It's a touching story. I was gonna steal--
Shut up!
Today, you caused my money train
to arrive 46 minutes late.
When my train is late,
I take it as a personal sign of disrespect.
The revenue collection for the entire subway system
is under my direct command.
My train.
My people.
My money.
No one is allowed to dictate the movements of that train
without my direct permission.
Am I making myself clear?
As a bell, sir. Your train, your people, your money.
[CHUCKLES]
Shut up.
Yes, sir.
Now, are there any questions?
Ahem. Just one. Why did you send the train into the tunnel
when you'd been advised we were in there?
Your situation last night didn't move me one way or the other.
Anything else? JOHN: Yes, Chief Patterson.
Your men shot the kid to shit. I mean, over a rope chain.
Yeah, they shot him to shit. That's what they did.
And you can't buy publicity like that.
That boy didn't die in vain.
As far as I’m concerned, he's a goddamn hero.
Thanks to his sacrifice, the word went forth today:
You fuck with my train
and I'll kill you.
Now I’m gonna send one more message.
I don't like you.
So don't fuck with my train again.
If you do, we will tangle ass,
and you will lose.
You're dismissed.
[###]
JOHN: I tell you, I hate bastards like that.
There's no price you can put on a human life.
That kid is dead, and he's worried about his schedule.
You know what I’d like to do?
You know what I’d really like to do?
Maim him? No.
Shoot him? No, no, no.
I'd like to take his precious little train.
Take the pacifier right out the baby's mouth.
Hey, you say the word, I'm there. Word.
All right, I'm there. Word.
Well, let's do it, then. If I didn't have this badge, whoa, mm.
What? We're cops, not nuns. We're not taking the train, man.
Too late.
[LAUGHING]
CHARLIE: I sure do miss the old neighborhood.
JOHN: Why don't you come back more often?
CHARLIE: No, not enough action here. Well, maybe when I retire.
JOHN: So you coming in?
CHARLIE: No. I got a date.
JOHN: You got a date?
CHARLIE: Yeah. With what, a girl?
What do you think? Or a deck of cards?
You think I'm gambling again? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Matter of fact, you got that look in your eye.
I can see the aces jumping up and down right now.
Yeah, well, I can see you got a suspicious mind.
I know you.
You got any cash on you? What for?
Well, if you must know, I'm buying you a Christmas present.
You're gonna buy me a Christmas present with my money?
Yeah, so don't be stingy.
[CHUCKLES]
You know, you never cease to amaze me.
You don't have to count it. I trust you, man.
I'm out. See you.
So you're really gonna buy me a present, huh?
I love you, man.
If you love me, let me keep my money.
Hey, where's your Christmas spirit? In your pocket.
CHARLIE: Hey. Heh, heh. BOY: Look out.
And none of them ties or cologne or stuff like that, all right?
No.
Yo, man, remember where you at now.
Better change that walk. Yeah. All right. Yeah.
There you go. Yeah. Hey, what it is.
MAN: Whoa! Oh, you all right, man?
Thanks, man, all right? Go ahead.
MAN 1: A thousand. MAN 2: I'm in.
CHARLIE: See the grand and kick it a grand.
MAN 3: Not me. I'm out.
Well, I think I'm gonna have to kick it to 5000.
MAN 1: Too rich for me.
[CHARLIE HUMMING]
[COUGHS]
Hm.
[HUMMING]
Charlie?
You gonna eat, or you gonna play cards?
[CHUCKLES]
Sorry, guys. I’m making a mess.
Uh...
Call you.
With what? You're light.
Oh. Gentlemen, say hello
to oyster mother-of-pearl.
[SCREAMING]
[MAN LAUGHING]
MAN: Hey, Charlie, let me get you a fucking parachute.
[SCREAMING]
Charlie, your brother had better get here soon, or he is going to be an only child.
[HORN HONKS]
[CHARLIE SCREAMING]
[CHARLIE SCREAMING AND MAN LAUGHING]
Okay, nobody move.
CHARLIE: John, is that you, my brother?
John. Thank God you're here!
Charles, would you mind telling me what the hell is going on here?
Apparently a man's word is no good here, John.
You brought the money, right? Three hundred bucks.
Hey, motherfucker owes Mr. Brown 15,000.
Fif--? Fifteen thousand?
John, this is no time to be cheap. JOHN: You know what?
Drop him. No! Hold it! He's kidding!
Oh, the hell I am. No, no, drop the motherfucker.
These guys don't have a sense of humor!
They don't know you're kidding! I am not kidding.
I'm tired of this shit. You're the man.
CHARLIE: No, no! Oh, oh, oh! Okay. Okay. Okay.
All right. Look, what do you say, Mr. Brown, we make a deal?
CHARLIE: Make a deal. Make a deal. Here's the 300 bucks now.
The rest you get in a couple days.
I'll pay you. I'll pay you. I swear to God.
Okay. Reel him in. CHARLIE: Okay.
Oh, guys. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
You guys are all right.
I was kidding about the sense of humor thing. You know that.
Thanks, man. For a second, I thought they were gonna prove I couldn't fly.
You said you were gonna stop this shit.
Yeah, well, I was. I mean, I had a sweetheart of a hand.
You know, it was like there was no way I could lose.
You couldn't lose, huh? You know how many times you said that?
One of these days, I'm not gonna be there.
Think I couldn't have got out of that shit?
Whoa. If I hadn't saved you, you'd be a chalk outline right now.
I'd be picking you up with a pooper-scooper.
You don't understand. I have changed.
And at a basic cellular level.
I know you've heard this before, but I was up there, 51 stories,
dangling, and I mean imminent death, I'm terrified
and suddenly, it was like Buddha consciousness.
I've read about it in books. That's it.
God spoke to me. She said, "You have gotta stop gambling."
I swear to Goddess that I’m quitting.
I bet you 10 bucks says you can't do it.
I'll make it 20. See? My point exactly.
Come on, man. When did you lose your sense of humor?
Motherfucker. Come on.
You better stop drinking all that wheat-grass bullshit.
You know, dogs pee in that grass. Come on. That's good for you too.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
And then I step over here, and I go to the top platform?
Five? Kale.
Nice. Kale.
MAN 1: Hey, John, let's see that drunk walk again.
MAN 1: You got it. MAN 2: Hey.
Charlie, John, say hello to Grace Santiago.
She's gonna be working with us.
Hi. How you guys doing? Nice to meet you.
Hi. Hey, yeah. How you doing?
Welcome aboard. Thanks.
She is smoking. I think I’m in love, man.
Damn, this job is looking up.
CHARLIE: All quiet by the D. All clear by the D.
[SINGING "O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL"]
Okay, hold on, hold on. We got a Christmas shopper.
White male, 19, with his girlfriend.
He's dressed all black. Yeah, he's definitely interested.
[COUGHING]
His girlfriend's trying to talk him out of it.
Come on. Oh, now she's dragging him away.
You do much decoy?
Six months in the outer boroughs.
I liked it. But this transfer's definitely a lucky break.
Hm.
And they say you guys are the best.
Oh, well, modesty prevents me from--
Well, no, it does not. We are the best.
CHARLIE: You see the way he's swaying? He's got his arm swinging,
you know, like he wants to take a whiz but he forgot how?
He got that from me.
[CHUCKLES]
[GRUNTING]
[CHARLIE CHUCKLES]
So where are you from?
The Bronx.
What, uh...?
You living by yourself? Yeah.
Shouldn't you be watching the D?
Yeah. Whoa. Hey.
Hang on. We got something going on here.
WOMAN 1: What do we got here? They normally don't look this good.
Ooh. And look at those big hands.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
WOMAN 2: Come here. Wait. What do you think?
Let's take him home. You wanna do it?
Come on. Let's do it.
I'm into it, baby. You know that. Hey, honey.
[GROANING]
We're gonna take you home.
Come on, baby. Yeah. You wanna come home with us?
You are one fine-looking man. Look at this.
Oh, no. Now, don't fight us.
Look at that face. Come on, baby.
Come here. We're gonna give you some loving. You know that.
We gonna chew you up. Come on, baby.
We won't spit you out. Ugh!
Come on. Don't be-- Come on.
Come with us. WOMAN 2: Come on.
[CHUCKLES]
Shouldn't we break it up? He's tugging at his collar for dear life.
Look at that, girl. Pretty scared.
Oh, my man. Come on, baby. All right. There we go.
GRACE: Hey! Hey!
Come on, baby. That's my man!
Get your hands off my man! What, are you bitches crazy?
You wanna get hurt, that's what it is. We didn't know it was your man.
We didn't know. Have a little Christmas spirit.
Merry Christmas to you. Get the hell out of here!
Yeah, you better run! Your fault. You--
I didn't start nothing.
Turn my back for one minute, and you're dogging me?
They were huge.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, she's beautiful.
You wait right there, all right? You wait right there.
And don't you let me see you talking to--
[JOHN BLOWING NOSE]
You're nasty. What you looking at? Kick your ass too. Shit.
[LAUGHS]
Alone at last.
May I help you?
I was hoping we could help each other.
What do you want, sir?
I wanna ask you a question.
Do you know what it's like to smell your own flesh burning?
[SCREAMS]
You better hand out the cash, bitch, or I'll light you up.
Okay.
[SCREAMS]
I gave you the money.
I'm not in it for the money.
[SCREAMING]
WOMAN: Help me!
CHARLIE: Oh, my God, it's the Torch.
Call EMS, tell them we got a fire in a downtown booth.
Ah! Oh, my God!
[HORN TOOTING]
GRACE: I'll take the street.
[TIRES SCREECHING AND HORN HONKING]
Ah! Help! Help!
TORCH: Hey!
MAN: Holy crap!
JOHN: Get down! Get down! Ah! Ah!
Sick bastard.
COP 1: Police! Freeze! COP 2: There he is!
Don't move! GRACE: Get off me, you sick fuck!
COP 1: Hold it right there!
JOHN: Let's go! Get on the ground!
JOHN: Shit! Ah!
WOMAN: Help me! Help me, please! No! No!
JOHN: You're okay.
CHARLIE: You're okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
[CHATTERING]
Hey. Hey, man.
Johnny, Merry Christmas. Frank.
Merry Christmas. What are you drinking?
I'm gonna have the usual. Jack?
Yeah, Jack. Straight up. You got it.
[GRUNTING]
No, no. Better yet. Give me two of those.
Give me two Jacks, and give me two beers too.
[GRUNTING]
Okay, now, this right here is a little hard and heavy,
so I think you should drink it with...
[GRUNTING]
a beer, because you obviously have been there before.
FRANK: That's with me, Johnny.
Damn.
Ahem. There you go.
You know, you took a pretty hard one today.
Too bad that sick bastard got away.
Yeah, well, it was his lucky day. That won't be happening twice.
Don't beat yourself up about it
because I talked with the EMS people
and they said the token-booth clerk is gonna be just fine, so...
Well, that's good to hear. Yeah.
I'm glad to hear that. Absolutely.
You know, I wanted to tell you
that this job can be hazardous to your health
if, uh, you take it too seriously.
Yeah, well, I don't know no other way.
Me neither.
I mean, it does take a special kind of person
to do this job, you know. Someone with dedication.
Perseverance. Stamina.
Strength. Courage.
Cojones.
Complete and utter stupidity.
It's a curse. We're doomed.
Uh-huh. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
[LAUGHING]
Welcome to the team.
Thanks.
And how are my two favorite people?
Hey. We were fine.
[CHUCKLES]
He's a kidder. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, yeah.
So, look, I went out, looked long and hard,
and I found you something for your first day,
I thought might be special. Aw .
CHARLIE: The alcohol preserves it. Thank you.
I don't know what to say.
He probably stole it from some little Girl Scout or something.
Oh, my-- Yeah, he's a nut.
Why don't you grab us a couple cervezas.
What?
You expect Grace to pay on her first night?
And you know I'm having that cash-flow problem.
Cash-flow... Oh, you mean you're broke. Ha, ha, ha.
Right, right, right. Means that you ain't got a dime to your name, right?
Lovely flower, though. He's a great guy, huh?
Mm-hm. Too bad he's gay.
So how you doing?
Yeah. How you doing, man?
Good, man. How are you?
Yo, man, let me ask you a question. What's that?
How does it feel to be brothers with a white guy?
Come on, man, I told you that story already.
I was taking out the garbage. I heard this garbage can making noise.
You found him, right? I found-- Well--
You didn't feed the motherfucker? No, I didn't feed--
You can't get rid of them when you feed them, you know that, right?
Look, I got something I gotta do.
All right. Stay black, man. Yeah, man. Ain't got no choice.
JOHN: Come on!
The night is young! Come on! I gotta go.
The night's a puppy.
She say that she wanted to be here, but she's leaving.
[BOTH SINGING] Amazing Grace Amazing Grace
How sweet the sound How sweet-- Ugh!
Man, oh, man.
I'm in love, man. What are you talking about?
Come on. You ain't got a shot. You better ease back.
I am deeply in love, I think.
Yeah, well, she is nice, isn't she? More than nice.
I'd introduce her to Ma Di if she were still alive, you know?
I'd bear her children if she'd give me the opportunity.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Well, you know what they say:
May the best man win.
Well, don't worry, Little Boy Blue. I intend to.
Oh, come on, now, Dorothy.
Click your heels three times and come on back to Kansas.
You ain't got a chance.
Is that right? That's right. That's right.
Matter of fact,
she didn't even keep the rose you gave her.
[JOHN LAUGHING]
That's fucked up.
Yo, don't worry about it, man. You'll get another one, right?
That is fucked up, man.
I wouldn't go down that road with you.
It's typical of your insensitivity, like pissing on that nice car.
You know what? You just always gotta be the coolest.
You always gotta be the smartest. You gotta be the most on top of it.
I'm just kidding, man. No, you ain't just kidding.
You're always that way. You gotta be the guy who gets the girl.
You know what it was? Ma Di gave you everything,
then you always expect everything. Whoa, whoa. What?
Ma Di gave me everything? Ma Di treated us the same.
No, no, no. God rest her soul. She treated me great.
She took me in, she fed me, she loved me,
but she loved you better.
Yo, Charlie, Charlie, look. We got the same thing, all right?
It's called sharing, right?
I wear your coat, you wear my shoes.
I use your toothbrush-- I wear your shoes.
I'm always in your shoes. I'm always in your footsteps.
I'm always Hook's little brother.
Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are we talking about shoes, or are we talking about Grace?
We're talking about the fact that my ceiling is always your floor.
Move out the motherfucking building, then.
I happen to like the building. Then what's your complaint?
My complaint is you're always first, and I'm always one step behind.
And you perpetuate that. What?
Yeah. Oh, wait a minute.
So now it's my fault, right?
Partially. You're blaming that on me?
You have plenty of opportunity, but you know what?
You always fuck it up. Well, now, that illustrates my point.
You're calling me a fuck-up. I did not call you a fuck-up.
I said you fuck up. There's a difference.
So you call me a fuck-up, so I keep fucking up. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Are you listening to me? Yeah. Are you listening to me?
I don't need this shit. No, no, no.
Don't be putting your hands on me. What are you gonna do about it, huh?
You over there. Ain't nothing between us but the motherfucking air.
Make a move. MAN: Give me your wallets, watches.
You testing me? MAN: Yo, motherfucker!
Your wallets first, then rings and watches.
MAN 2: Give it up, man. MAN 3: Yo, give up your shit.
What, you deaf? MAN 2: Hey, come on, motherfucker.
MAN 3: I'm talking to your Casper ass. Give it up.
MAN 1: You heard the man.
I'll be...
Damn. Shit.
MAN 1: Easy. Easy. MAN 2: All right, chill out, white boy.
JOHN: Okay, now look at the shit you done got us in.
What, you gonna blame this shit on me too?
Oh, this is definitely your fault. Oh, it was my fault?
Who was watching the street? JOHN: I got to go out like this?
I'm so sick of your shit. Stop trying to pin everything on me.
This one is your fault.
I don't care who caused this shit, just give it up!
I didn't call you a fuck-up. Fuck you.
What do you mean? Fuck you!
Yo, fuck you! Fuck you!
What you talking about? I'll bust a cap in your ass!
Look, motherfucker, I'm robbing your motherfucking ass!
Give up your shit! I tell you what. I’ll get the shoes.
Over here! Hello? JOHN: Yo, give up the shoes.
I'll shoot you in your good eye, man.
This is a stickup, motherfucker! A stickup!
CHARLIE: I'll fill you so full of holes, you'll look like chocolate Swiss cheese.
What the fuck is wrong with y'all?
Let's get the fuck out of here. This is crazy.
You took my Ice Cream records. Ice Cube! Ice Cube!
CHARLIE: Ice Cube, Ice Pick, Ice Capades. I'm white.
How should I know? They fucking sick.
MAN 1: Let's get up out of here, man.
[CHARLIE & JOHN CHUCKLING]
You wasn't gonna really shoot me, were you?
Hell, no. You weren't gonna shoot me, were you?
JOHN: I mean, you had that Alabama look in your eye.
CHARLIE: Yeah. You're lucky I didn't have a fire hose.
[JOHN LAUGHING]
JOHN: So you really think this girl can make a difference, huh?
CHARLIE: Yeah, you know, I do.
JOHN: Well, hey, man, go for it, you know?
CHARLIE: Yeah?
JOHN: Yeah, man, I'm out of it. I mean, you know.
CHARLIE: You serious?
JOHN: Look, I hope she makes you happy.
CHARLIE: Hey, Merry Christmas, man.
JOHN: Hey, Merry Christmas to you too, man.
[BLOWING NOSE]
Department says we gotta take backup on during the holiday season.
But it don't mean we have to like who they send us. Shut up
and you just stay out of our way.
Whoa, whoa. Hey, man, look, I'm sorry.
Hey, we didn't ask for this assignment.
You know, you don't have to treat us like we're gonna steal something.
Yeah, really, man. I guess they're a little pissed off
because we beat the shit out of their buddies on day shift.
Hey, hey. Everybody chill. COP 1: Hey, hey, hey.
We're here to help you out today, Dooley. It’s all right, you know.
Just a bit too much testosterone in here or something.
Lighten up, babe. CHARLIE: You ought to try retaining.
All right, back to your stations. We got a schedule to keep.
Yo, Dooley.
You're gonna take in a lot of money tonight, huh?
Yeah, this time of year, 3, maybe 4 million.
Damn.
Now, that's money.
That's a whole lot of money. Stop drooling. Stop drooling.
It's not like we can't take a few mental notes.
Check out that grate.
DOOLEY: Look alive. We got something up ahead.
COP 1: No problem. Just workers in the tunnel.
Hey, hotshot, you're standing in my spot.
Hey, don't be poking me with that thing.
Go fuck yourself. Shut the fuck up, punk.
Don't be pushing me. Go fuck yourself.
What are you gonna do? I'm gonna shove it up your ass.
Get the fuck out of here, you punk. CHARLIE: Hey. Hey.
Hang on, now. You ain't gonna hit him.
Why not? Because I’m gonna hit him.
DOOLEY: All right, knock it off. COP 1: Jesus Christ.
COP 2: Come on.
JOHN: Oh, my God. That was beautiful.
Hm.
She your wife?
No, sir.
Your girlfriend?
No, sir.
Ah, perhaps your sister. Now, that would make sense.
A white brother, a black brother,
and a Latino sister.
Officer Grace Santiago, sir. I've been newly assigned to Unit One.
You boys are lucky. How did you get so lucky?
Are they lucky, Officer Santiago?
I don't know what you mean, sir.
Having you as a partner. Are they lucky?
I'll try my best to do my job and be part of the team, sir.
I'm sure you will. You're dismissed.
This doesn't concern you, Officer Santiago.
You boys, you don't listen.
This time, you may have your nuts in a wringer.
Last time you messed with my train, it was late.
This time, it was light.
Light? Sit down.
It seems that, in the darkness and confusion,
somebody made off with 25,000 of my dollars.
You got any idea how that could happen?
No, sir. Why ask us?
You're a bad gambler, Sunny Jim.
You're in debt up to your eyeballs.
Matter of fact, the only thing you're good at is losing money.
I think you can figure out how I lost mine.
Wait. Wait. Are you trying to say that we had something to do with this?
Did I say that?
I didn't say that.
All I said was that bad things seem to happen around you two
and some money got lost.
I think you can help me find it.
How so? You look for it.
I got a hunch that if you dig down in that commode that you call a soul,
you'll come up with something.
Excuse me, sir. I didn't ask to be disturbed.
I think you might wanna hear this.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Get out of here.
Uh...
You're dismissed.
Dismissed? Dismissed.
[JOHN CHUCKLING]
You know, one second you're calling us crooks,
and then the next second we're just dismissed, huh?
The money has been recovered.
A collection agent made a full confession.
I said, you're dismissed.
[SCOFFS]
Oh, by the way, whatever happened to that money-train model
that was on your desk?
JOHN: You know, I was just thinking about that.
I looked over there, and I didn't see it. Heartbroken.
CHARLIE: Just, poof, gone.
JOHN: Man, the manpower that would've had to go into putting that together.
You're right on the edge.
You're a wreck looking for someplace to happen.
I'll be there,
and I'll fuck you dead.
CHARLIE: Do you think he wants to fuck us before we're dead or after?
JOHN: I understood that when we're dead, that's when he wants to fuck us.
Either way, it's a pain in the ass, man. Oh, man, fuck that.
Yeah, really. Fuck him.
I mean, thinking I stole the money, that's insulting.
Well, I tell you, I thought you stole it too.
You did? Well, that's all right. You're family.
You got a right to insult me. But that son of a bitch, he--
Hey, Hook. What?
Hook. You know what's on the other side of that pond?
JOHN: Yeah, that's Wollman Rink.
Last night, those repair guys came up a ladder into the park.
Where? Right over there? Yeah.
Oh. Ah. Oh.
I see what you're saying. That's what I'm saying.
You're saying stop the train near the rink.
Yeah. Then use the ladder to climb up
and, pow, take away the cash.
Take the cash. We'll disappear into the park.
Never work.
It'll work. It'll work. It'll work. It'll never work.
Charlie. What?
How much do you think we can get?
Three, 4 million at least. Hm.
Man, man, man. Mm.
We could be rich.
Rich, man? Fuck, we'd be free. And it's about time for our people. Mm. Uh-huh.
Say it loud. I'm black and I'm proud.
And you look it. Ugh! Ugh!
Man, we're talking about--
That's living like the Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.
You know what we could do?
We could be just taking cruise ships, you know?
Go from island to island. We'd be like boat people, but richer.
Richer than that? Hell, man, we could go to, like--
We'll buy an island. Now you're talking.
Yeah. I’m saying-- That's enterprising.
Something like Maui. Or Bali.
Tahiti. Any of the "I" islands.
Exactly. The best thing is that we wouldn't have to put up with no crap
from that necrophiliac, prick-in-a-suit Patterson.
That son of a bitch, man. We don't deserve that.
Let the sharks eat him.
Let's do it, man. Let's do it. Let's do it. I'm with it.
Here's what I'm saying. What are you saying? Talk to me.
Come on, now. Talk to me.
The best possible time to pull this off is gonna be New Year's Eve.
Why? Because New Year's Day they have the rate hike.
So it's just gonna be loaded down with currency, man.
I mean, it'll just be phat. You know what I mean?
Where'd you learn that word at, man? Well, MTV Raps, man.
[LAUGHS]
I'm trying to keep up with my heritage.
Anyway, man, think about it. What do you think?
[LAUGHING]
Wait, wait, wait. What?
Look, Charlie, come back to Earth, man.
All right? Just-- Just calm down. Come on. Come on, now.
Come on back to Earth, buddy. What are you talking about?
Charles, we're not gonna rob the money train.
Why not? Because, uh, uh-- We're cops.
And, you know, remember:
Serve, protect, break a mugger's neck, all of that.
That's our credo. We gotta do this. We can do this.
No, no, no. Shh, shh, shh. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it.
No, no. It would be no problem. No-- No--
I'm telling you, it's easy. No, no. Shh, shh, shh.
No, wait-- No. Shh. Ah.
See, I get the-- Shh. Shh, shh, shh.
Put that thing away before somebody think you got it for Christmas.
We could double if-- Eh, eh, eh. Ah.
[SALSA MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
[CHUCKLES]
Don't let me interrupt. It was too hot inside.
I had to come outside for a minute.
Uh-huh.
I see you're getting down, huh?
Salsa, yeah. That's all right. Love this.
I grew up with this stuff.
You didn't. Now, I grew up on this. Excuse me?
No, no, no. See, I'm from the Bronx, see?
What? What? Come on.
Let's see what you got.
[LAUGHING]
Are you sure? Hey, I'm very surprised.
Baby, E Street. Here, do this.
See? See that there? You're teaching me something, huh?
Gotta learn from somebody.
Let's see what you got, now.
Watch out, now. I might throw a spin on you.
Oh!
Ah.
[MUSIC STOPS]
Little rough for the first time. That's all right.
If we do it a bit more often, we'd get some practice in.
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
Thought we were dancing. That was nice. That was nice.
You just gonna leave me hanging? What? No, no, no.
Slow music? Oh, no, no, no. I don't dance to slow music.
Oh, you don't dance to slow music? No. Come on, now.
No. How would it look for me to all of a sudden just, like...
step up to you like that and, you know, pull you close
and start dancing with you all close and stuff like that?
That could work.
I got a confession to make.
Yeah, and what's that?
Well, this is the first time I ever danced with a cop.
Yeah, well, me too.
Hey. Hey, hey. I hope that's your gun.
Oh, well, whatever it is, it's poking me too.
Hold on. Maybe it's my gun.
I'm telling you, put your stuff in the back.
You put your stuff to the back. I am.
[LAUGHING]
[TERRY ELLIS' "WHEREVER YOU ARE" PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, wow.
Oh, boy.
Ooh.
Hey, look, I think I should go in.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, you know, because we don't want people
to come out here and start talking. No. We wouldn't want that.
You know how the precinct is:
Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah. Heh, heh.
You go ahead. Okay. All right. Nice.
Grace.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
[LAUGHS]
Gracias.
I enjoyed it too.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
["ALL THAT MATTERS" PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
CHARLIE: Hey. Hey.
How goes it? Can I interest you in a piňa colada?
[SPEAKING INAUDIBLY]
Hi.
CHARLIE [SINGING]: You gotta get up You gotta get up
You gotta get up in the morning You gotta get up
JOHN: Stop, stop, stop.
I should've never told you where I hide my keys.
Come on. Hey, Hook. Come on, man.
Come on, get up. Time to play. Hook. Hook.
Stop. Get up.
All right? Oh! Say no more, man.
It's hot in here. It's hot. Hot.
Could it be hotter in here? It's like a sauna.
JOHN: Don't touch that window, man. Don't touch the window, man.
Fresh air. Yo, man, it's cold outside.
You gotta get fresh air. Trust me. Come on.
Fresh air? Where do you think you're at, in the Alps?
CHARLIE: Best thing for your lungs. This is New York, man.
Ow! Oh, watch your shin there, man.
JOHN: Smell like you haven't been back to your place to wash.
CHARLIE: That's because I haven't.
You haven't? No. I’ve been out.
Grace? I've been out with Grace
all night long, and, God, I’m feeling good. Whoo!
All night?
[SNIFFING]
Yeah, all night. And I feel all right.
What, you try some of your world-class,
cheap-ass moves on her?
Well, gentleman never tells.
What? A gentleman never tells.
Ah. Well, since you're in no danger of even becoming one,
you could go ahead and tell me.
How'd it go?
All right. We-- No, I ain't gonna say. No.
Did you kiss her?
[SNORING]
You kissed her, didn't you?
[GRUNTING]
Shouldn't you be home in bed? Too much energy.
I thought I’d come here and try to burn it off.
Yeah, well, thought you worked that out last night.
You know, um, I still got a little something left.
What? You wanna go at it?
Ha. What? Boxing?
Yeah. Come on. Let's go a few rounds.
And don't hold back.
Come on.
Look, you sure you wanna do this?
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, you're a little sneaky, huh?
Back up, now. Wait. Hey, get out of here. Get out.
I ain't going nowhere.
Ugh!
[CHUCKLES]
Ha, ha, ha.
Ugh! Okay.
All right, good. Good.
GRACE: So you wanna talk about last night?
You're talking about you and Charlie, right?
No. I’m talking about you and me
and the real reason you backed off.
Look, you gonna box or you gonna talk, huh?
It's Charlie, isn't it?
What? It's Charlie, isn't it?
Yes, yes, it's Charlie. The guy is crazy about you.
This has got to be a first.
A guy who cares more about his brother
than he does about himself. Well, he is my brother, and-- Oh!
Yes, I care about him.
I mean, I ain't no saint or nothing like that.
There are times when I feel like I wanna just kill the guy.
Yeah. I heard he's kind of a fuck-up.
A fuck-up?
Ugh!
Dang. Jeez. Oh, man, I’m sorry.
No, I’m okay. No, I’m...
I was out of line anyway. Oh, no, no, no.
I mean, can't you understand
that I have to look after my brother?
I can understand about you and your brother.
What I’m not understanding
is what's going on between you and me.
You and me.
Yeah. You and your feelings about me.
Well, I decked you, didn't I?
[LAUGHS]
I feel the same way about you.
You know, this could get painful.
Hey, love hurts.
MAN: Yo, officer. Officer.
Good night. Adios. See you, Charlie.
Yo, Charlie. Yo, hold up. I wanna talk to you.
Hey, come here, man.
Something I wanna give to you.
Your conscience finally got to you? You got me a Christmas present?
What is this? Fifteen grand?
Well, yeah. I've been saving it for a rainy day, and it's raining, Charlie.
I can't take this. Charlie--
No, no, no. Charles.
Go ahead and take it and handle your affairs, all right?
Go and pay Mr. Brown.
You're always there for me, Hook.
Well, you'd be there for me, so... No, I wouldn't.
I mean, you wouldn't get yourself into a mess like this.
I'm gonna pay you back every dime with interest.
Heh, heh. Yeah, I know you will.
I love you, man. I love you too.
Handle it. I'm gonna take care of it right now.
Put this shit away. You never know around here, right?
Hey, look, tomorrow night,
if you're not busy, meet me down at the Wha.
There's something I wanna talk to you about, all right?
You got it. I’m there.
You never cease to amaze me. Best New Year's ever.
Or something. Heh, heh.
WOMAN: Oh! Whoa.
You all right? Yes, I’m fine. I’m fine.
Hang in there. Easy does it.
WOMAN: Whoa.
Please, careful. You dropped this. Oh, goodness.
Yeah. Thank you. Thanks.
MAN [ON PA]: This is 33rd Street. 33rd Street station.
Police. Hey, what are you doing?
Get off of me. Come on-- Settle down.
[THIEF MUMBLING]
Thank you. Damn.
Man. This look familiar?
Oh, my God. That's my wallet. CHARLIE: Don't be embarrassed.
You see this kind of thing happen all the time.
The best place to keep your valuables is right here.
MAN: Hold the door.
[###]
No! Open the door! Stop the train!
Stop!
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Hi.
Round two.
[###]
CHARLIE: Hey, man. Hey.
How you doing? CHARLIE: You won't believe this.
I had the money, Mr. Brown's money.
MAN 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
CHARLIE: Some old lady dipped me. You got dipped?
Yeah, on the train. What are we gonna do?
Dipped you! CHARLIE: Guys. Guys.
MAN 1: Kick his fucking ass.
[MELISSA ETHERIDGE'S "DANCE WITHOUT SLEEPING" PLAYING]
[GRUNTING]
MAN 1: Get him!
Get him! Get him!
[MOANING]
CHARLIE: Oh, God.
[GROANING]
Ugh.
[###]
Charlie. Oh, man, come on. At least let me explain, man.
What--? There is nothing to explain. You think you guys were fooling me?
I knew what was going on the whole time.
Oh, come on, man, you're lying. Hey, if I'm lying, I'm flying.
I'm happy for you guys. I mean, I really am.
Why wouldn't I be?
We're brothers, right? Brothers.
Well, at least did you pay Mr. Brown?
No, actually, I lost the money.
But what else is new, right?
Damn, Charlie.
Can you give me two tokens, please?
What are the chances of these gunpoint robbers
actually hitting my booth?
JOHN: Well, the report says there's only one guy.
And Riley says that he only goes for female clerks.
So, uh, heh...
act female.
What, powder my nose, paint my toenails?
[CHUCKLING]
Hey.
Skip said you would be a little late.
Yeah. You all right?
Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.
You know, I was reading that book that you lent me, The Kybalion.
You know? And it says in there
that the universe is a mental creation of the All.
Which means-- You're drunk.
No, I’m not drunk. Yes, you are.
No, I’m not. Your breath smells like it's 90 proof.
That's from last night, man. I didn't brush this morning. I’m--
Charlie, Charlie, I don't wanna hear it.
No-- Look, do me a favor.
Get yourself together. Go home and get you some rest, all right?
No, I don't need rest. Got a lot of nerve coming in like this.
[###]
Let me explain what happened with the money.
Oh, what is it this time? What, is it the horses? The cards?
No, no, no. Three-card fucking monte?
No. I was on the train, and this old lady dipped me.
On the train. Don't lie to me.
I'm not lying. Have I ever lied to you? Yes, you lie to me.
Okay. About little things, but not big things.
Hey, a lie is a lie is a lie.
It's important that you believe me. But I don't.
Don't say another word.
You say one more word, I swear to God...
What, are you gonna hit me?
I think this is it.
[MAN SCREAMING]
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
What the hell was that? Darryl, can you see what's going on over there?
DARRYL [ON RADIO]: Somebody fell on the downtown plat.
Jesus. JOHN: Grace, hold your position.
I gotta go check this out. Somebody fell on the tracks.
Roger. Keep your eye on Grace.
You know, you don't have to look at me like that. I can handle it.
JOHN: Who's handling dispatch? I don't know!
MAN: All right, let's give me that light. JOHN: Okay, back up.
Jesus. What happened?
We're working on it. Can't you see?
MAN 1: Shine it in. Right over there. That's it.
What the fu--? You remember me?
Yeah, sure, you do.
Because that's my scent you're wearing.
MAN: Give me a hand here, would you? Shine that light.
Oh.
What do you want? The money?
No, baby. I don't want the money.
Oh, God.
Ten-thirteen. Ten-thirteen. Grace is in trouble.
Freeze!
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
TORCH: Get the hell out of the way!
JOHN: Come on! Come on!
MAN: Oh, hey. Get down.
JOHN: Police! Move, move, move!
[###]
CHARLIE: Police! Move!
[WOMEN SCREAM]
MAN: Look out! Hey!
JOHN: Cops! Move out of the way! CHARLIE: Out of the way!
Move! Police! Out of the way!
Come on, move out of the way!
CHARLIE: Freeze! Freeze!
JOHN: Charlie, no, no, no.
[GUNSHOTS THEN HORSE NEIGHING]
Oh, shit.
[WOMAN SCREAMING]
[KID SCREAMING]
CHARLIE: You okay?
[###]
TORCH: Move! Get out of the way!
JOHN: Move, move, move! Police!
[###]
Now, you see what happens when you play with fire?
You get burned.
No! Ah!
[SCREAMING]
[HORN TOOTING]
DISPATCH [ON RADIO]: All available units,
all available units, proceed to Columbus Circle.
We have a power outage
between 42nd Street and Columbus Circle.
[CHUCKLES]
Perfect.
Well, I must say, you created quite a shit storm.
What the hell is wrong with you?
You could've blown away a half a dozen people
with your reckless shit.
Now, I don't know if I can make you look like a hero,
but I think I can help.
Don't worry, kid. We'll get you out of this one.
All you gotta do...
is ask for my help.
It's your badge.
It's your life.
It's your call.
What do you say?
Hm?
No.
From there.
What's the matter? Why aren't you laughing?
Don't you think I'm funny anymore?
Now,
say it.
You wanna hear the words, don't you?
I wanna hear the words.
Kiss my fucking ass.
You kiss it goodbye.
Because you're busted, punk. You're fired.
JOHN: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, Charlie, get up. Come on.
Everybody calm down, all right? We can work this out.
There ain't nothing to work out with this piece of shit.
There's nothing to work out because your brother ain't a cop no more.
Look, Patterson, just let me talk to him.
What do you wanna defend him for? He ain't worth it.
Everybody knows your brother ain't nothing but a fuck-up.
A what? A fuck-up.
Come on, Hook. Hey, hey, hey. Ha, ha, ha.
I don't have to take this shit. Yo, this ain't your little glass palace.
You come here, I’ll bust your ass. Go ahead. Take a bite of me.
You'll be licking your ass for a month to get the taste out of your mouth.
You son of a bitch. That's it.
You're busted. Fuck you!
Come on. JOHN: I don't have to take this shit.
I'm busting my ass for this little prick.
When your friend calms down, tell him to take his badge out
because it belongs to me.
And so does your ass.
I'll send a uniformed officer around to pick up my hardware. Let's go.
JOHN: You ain't gotta send nobody. You come and get this yourself.
Huh? It's right here. If you want it, yo, you come and get it yourself.
Hey, man, this is between you and me, not you and him.
Who does that Napoleonic little son of a bitch think he is?
Fuck him, man. He's gonna regret this day.
No. Fuck you, Charlie.
Fuck me? Yeah, fuck you.
I didn't ask you to step in and-- I tried to stop you.
It's gonna work out. Don't worry. Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, no. It's not gonna work out this time. Not this time.
Hey, don't turn your back on me, bro.
Whoa, whoa. Now, we're not brothers, all right?
We don't think alike, we don't act alike, and we don't look alike.
Ever since we were kids, I've been carrying you.
I wipe your nose, I clean up your messes.
Now I’m gonna give up my badge and my career for you? No, no.
This is shaking time. You can get the fuck out my life.
[###]
Frank, do you happen to know why
blind people don't skydive?
No. Why?
Well, I'll tell you. It's because it scares the shit out of their dogs.
Heh.
It scares the shit out of--
Well, you're-- You're a tough crowd, Frank.
Another Jägermeister, pronto.
Yeah. You had enough, Charlie. Water's cut off.
Jesus Christ. What's your problem, huh?
My problem is you're interfering with me
at the embryo stage of a bender.
All right? Other than that, I got no problems.
I mean, I’m deliriously happy.
In fact, I mean, I got nothing to worry about.
I got no job, no brother, no girlfriend, no future.
Hey, ha, I got nothing to lose.
I mean, the first time in my life I'm free.
God bless us all, Tiny Tim.
You're over the top, Charlie. Listen to me.
Don't do anything stupid.
Where's the fun in that, Frank?
Shit. I just remembered. I have to urinate.
I'll pick this up later.
Oh, shit.
CHARLIE: I don't have the money, all right?
If you wanna kill me, just fucking kill me.
As a matter of fact, right now it'd be a relief.
BROWN: I hate to hear that kind of fatalism, Charlie. I really do.
Poses a very interesting problem for me.
Obviously, we can't keep on doing this
because it doesn't have any effect on you.
What I do in a case like yours-- And I'm being forced here.
--I threaten the life of someone you love.
A wife. Child.
A brother? You son of a bitch.
MAN: Merry Christmas, Charlie.
[GROANING]
January 1st, or your nigger brother's dead.
[###]
[GROANING]
[GROANS]
[###]
[BLOWS]
Frank, what you doing here?
I gotta talk to you, Johnny. It's about Charlie.
He's in a lot of trouble.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
MAN: Hey, bartender, over here.
JOHN: Hey, gentlemen, gentlemen, let's keep those fires hot.
Where you going? Look, I just wanna talk to Mr. Brown.
Mr. Brown's not here. Upstairs. He owns the joint.
Come on, man. Get the fuck out of here.
Come on, man. You missed. Oh! Oh. Oh.
Argh! Again.
I hate that. You haven't learned yet, have you, huh?
Yo, Mr. Brown, you got a disgruntled employee back there.
Kick his fucking--
JOHN: I told you you was gonna get the money, right? Hey, man. Hey.
MAN: I mean, who the hell are you, coming in here like that?
BROWN: Stop fucking around! I want him dead!
Bring him over here! I'll kill him myself!
You got big balls? I'll cut them off for you!
WOMAN: No!
BROWN: What the hell are you doing?
You're a bunch of pussies!
Goddamn it.
You know, we are not getting along.
Come on, bitch. You want some? "Bitch"? Who you calling--?
Come on. Come on. Ah!
Fucking...
What are you, stupid, huh? Stupid?
Get over here.
I told you, you'll get your money, and you will.
But if anything happens to my brother...
You understand me?
Yeah.
[COFFING]
Oh, yeah.
Who you calling "nigger"?
[###]
[POP MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
JOHN: Hoo-hoo-hoo.
Happy New Year. WOMAN: Hi, John.
How you doing? WOMAN: Anyway, so I got...
JOHN: Happy New Year to you too. Happy New Year, man.
FRANK: Johnny. John. Yo. Excuse me.
Frank.
Charlie came by earlier. Left it for you.
Oh, yeah? Yep.
Well, it took you long enough. Look, I’m sorry I’m late.
I'm sorry. That's okay.
Thank you. What is this dress you got on here?
What? No, no, no. "What?" nothing.
Turn around. Let me... What, this old rag?
Oh, yeah, you just pulled it out of the closet, right?
You got a permit for this dress here? My goodness. You're in a good mood.
I just did my last favor for Charlie,
so I'm feeling like a free man, you know?
"The islands call." What's that?
I don't know. Something Charlie sent over.
Well, open it.
Damn it.
He's gonna do it. Do what?
Charlie's gonna rob the money train.
Say again?
Charlie's gonna rob the money train. You understand me now?
Thinks he's gonna bring me in with him. I’m not going for it.
If Patterson catches him, you know that he'll kill him.
Literally, kill him. Uh-huh.
You're not gonna do anything? No. Give me one reason why I should.
Charlie is going down.
And you are the only family that he's got.
[###]
[HORN HONKING]
WOMAN: Happy New Year!
WOMAN: Don't do it, dude. Whoo!
COP 1: Let's go.
COP 1: Okay, I got the stairs. COP 2: Hold it.
COP 3: Good.
How you doing? Open up.
[RAT SQUEALING]
Jesus Christ.
[CROWD CHEERING]
[###]
Hey, what the--? Shh!
Come on. Move. Move. Move.
[MAN SCREAMS]
COP 1: Stop the train! COP 2: Hey! Hey!
COP 3: Stop the train, or we'll shoot!
COP 2: Hey! Hey! Hey!
Yes!
[HORN HONKING AND CROWD CHEERING]
The money train's been stolen.
What? The money train's been stolen.
I gotta call Patterson.
JOHN: Police! Move out of the way! Out of the way! Come on! Move!
Shit.
Come on, move! Move out of the way! Come on, move!
[HORN HONKING]
Move, move, move!
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[HORN TOOTING]
Listen up. Right here. Give me your attention. Everyone!
We have a situation here which will be resolved immediately.
These perpetrators are obviously fools
who have survived thus far on sheer luck.
Well, their luck just ran out. Let's get them.
And remember, the money train has not been stolen.
It is still in our tunnel, still in our control
and soon it will be in our hands.
[###]
[MEN TALKING INDISTINCTLY AND LAUGHING]
Can I have a sip of that? Have some.
Thanks. I'll pass.
Shit.
Fuck! Fuck! Goddamn!
Hey!
Fuck. You scared the shit out of me, man.
How'd you find me?
Fuck that. You told me the plan, remember?
That was plan A. We're gonna move on to plan B.
Which is what?
Now that you're here, we're gonna figure it out.
No, no, no. This is plan B: We get the hell off this train,
safe and undetected and without the money.
Let's go. No, no, no. I ain't down with that.
Well, then we got a serious problem.
Yeah, I guess we do. MAN: Let's go.
Let's go. Up there. Up ahead.
MAN 2: Be careful. JOHN: Shit.
What is that?
COP 1: Come on. Come on.
Now's your chance to turn me in and get a medal.
Or you could get this damn train moving and get us out of here.
Thought you'd never ask.
Charlie, when this is over with, remind me to knock you out.
DISPATCHER [ON RADIO]: Money train reported going south on the A line,
has just crossed 59th Street.
PATTERSON [ON RADIO]: To the person or persons onboard the money train,
this is Donald Patterson.
Shut it down and surrender Don't do that. Don't do that.
before you wind up--
Donald, don't worry. The robbery's going great.
And I'll still give you your cut, partner. Toodles.
Listen to me, you sons of bitches.
I don't know who you are,
but I will get my hands on you, and I will rip a hole in your throat,
suck your heart out and eat it.
Now, I don't appreciate that tone of voice.
Don't even look at me.
I mean, Patterson may be an asshole, but he's not stupid.
He's gonna figure to trip the brakes
and this little joy ride of ours is gonna be over.
Unless... What?
We bleed the brakes.
Oh, man, I knew you'd be good at this. We bleed the brakes, they can't stop us.
If we bleed the brakes, then we can't stop either.
Shit. Then it's bleed the brakes
or we end up the butt-brothers in D Block.
BOTH: Bleed the brakes.
PATTERSON: Get me 42nd Street.
Tower, stand by for Chief Patterson.
You got the money train coming your way.
I want you to shut her down.
Trip her brakes. Reach in and tear her guts out.
[###]
Come on, baby, come on.
Gotta work, gotta work, gotta work.
You got it. Come on.
Oh, yes! Yes! Yes!
You're a genius. A genius. Great.
MAN [ON RADIO]: Didn't stoр, sir. What do you mean, it didn't stop?
From the way it was going, I don't think it has any brakes.
I want the shooters.
I want them on the Grand Street platform.
Concentrate all your firepower on the motorman's cabin.
COP: There's a construction barricade near Grand Street.
It could stop the train. Good point. I want that barricade.
I want it in place and now.
Sir, that thing's reinforced with steel. They'll be killed.
Yeah.
[HORN HONKING]
PATTERSON: Money train, this is Donald Patterson.
I have an information update for you.
At the Grand Street station, we have in place
a reinforced steel barricade.
I implore you, shut it down and turn yourself in,
or die.
He's bluffing, right?
[###]
COP 1: Move it. Move it.
COP 2: Take cover. Let's go.
COP 1: Hustle. COP 2: Go.
COP 3: Get down.
COP 1: You guys, over there. You two, come with me.
COP 2: Hustle! Okay, keep in line. Keep in line.
What are we gonna do? We can't stop this thing even if we wanted to.
Go faster.
Come on. Move it, move it, move it. Shake your ass. Come on, guys!
Charlie...
he wasn't bluffing. Oh, shit.
COP 1: Here they come! COP 2: Move!
COP 1: Take your positions. COP 2: Come on.
Come on.
COMMANDER: Steady. Easy, now.
COMMANDER: Wait for my command.
Fire!
COP [ON RADIO]: Command, you're not gonna believe this.
The money train broke right through the barricade.
Yeah! Ha, ha, ha.
[###]
The money train's a runaway. I'll start clearing track.
Wait a minute. What's the nearest train ahead of them?
The 1220 Coney Island. I'll sidetrack her.
What? And give those sick bastards
a clear track from here to hell and gone?
Raise me the motorman.
KOWALSKI: Command to 1220. Command to 1220. Come in, 1220.
1220 to Command.
This is Donald Patterson. Yes, sir?
I want you to bypass all stops. Why? What's going on?
Just shut up and do your job.
[HORN TOOTING]
GIRL: Maybe we're on the wrong train.
WOMAN: Weird.
Sir, these two trains are on the same track.
When the money train hits her, there'll be a derailment.
There'll be no derailment.
When they see that train ahead of them, they will shut it down,
and I'll be there.
But, sir. What?
What if the money train can't stop? People could die.
That's what we live with.
[###]
Charlie, what are you doing?
What does it look like I’m doing? I'm getting paid.
Charlie, the money stays. Feel that.
You know what that represents there? Freedom.
I am not leaving here empty-handed.
Charlie the loser, man. I've been hearing that my whole life.
Not today. Today, it's Charlie the winner.
And you think by being a thief, that makes you a winner, huh?
Listen, why can't we save this lecture till we're on the beach in Tahiti?
No, Charlie, there's not gonna be any beach.
[SCREAMING]
This is no time to fuck with my fantasy!
All right, if you're in, fine. If you're not, get out of my face.
You're the one who put me in your face. Charlie,
I'm not gonna let you ruin your life.
And what are you gonna do to save my life this time, huh?
I think you're gonna wanna get that foot off of that bag.
[SCREAMING]
Charlie, don't try me.
You trying me, huh?
Now listen to me. Just let it go. Charlie, let it go.
Let it go. I'm taking the money, man.
[###]
[HORN TOOTING]
Ugh!
Argh!
Damn!
Give me your hand.
Ah!
Charlie!
Grab onto my arm! Pull me up!
Charlie! I got you, man!
Charlie!
Come on, John!
All right, John. Oh, shit!
[BOTH GRUNTING]
JOHN: Thank you, Jesus. Ugh.
[CHUCKLES]
You okay?
Yeah.
Are we straight?
Yeah. We're straight.
[CHUCKLES]
Come on. Let's shut this puppy down.
Easier said than done, but I'm with you.
Yeah, but it's you and me, man. What could stop us?
[THUMPING]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
Oh, my God.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[THUMPING]
JOHN: Oh, shit. Oh, Jesus. Patterson didn't clear the tracks?
If we don't slow down, we're gonna derail them.
Oh, man, this is bad. This is bad. Charlie, these people are gonna die.
Come on. We gotta do something.
Son of a bitch won't move! Jesus!
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1220, maximum speed.
The other train's too fast! They're gonna bump us off the track!
We're fucking dead! Do you hear that, Command? Dead!
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
DISPATCH: All emergency units,
head to Fort Нamilton station immediately.
What happens if we just throw this damn thing in reverse?
Traction motor has a heart attack, train does a 40-ton somersault.
But we live, right? No. They live. We die.
So be it. We hit the reverse switch and say goodbye.
At least there's no surprises.
No, no, no! Let go. We don't have time for this.
They're running out of time. Just jump, man.
Jump? Where the fuck am I going to jump? I'm in a motherfucking tunnel!
Doesn't take two of us to do this! It's my fault! My fuck-up!
No, no, no! We're in this together! We stay together!
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
Charles, what the hell are you doing?
Oh, now you're gonna pole-vault out this motherfucker?
CHARLIE: Autopilot. When this hits, it'll throw her into reverse!
JOHN: Genius, man.
CHARLIE: What the hell are you doing?
I don't know.
PATTERSON: Where is my train? MAN: It's coming, sir.
PATTERSON: Good. How long? MAN: Two minutes out.
That's what I wanna hear.
When we get out of this, remind me--
Ah! Charlie!
CHARLIE: Don't let go of me!
JOHN: Come on!
The front. Get to the front.
CHARLIE: Ah!
Oh, my God.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[###]
[BOTH SCREAMING]
COP: I'm going to the right here.
Come up on top.
COP 1: I got it, captain. COP 2: Let's go.
Hey, come on.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
COP 3: All right, listen. Give me that light, will you? See-- Walk to the left.
Are they dead?
There's nobody here. COP 4: Get them out. Get them out.
Come on. Move. Move. They're here.
COP 1: Come on.
PATTERSON: They're here, whoever they are.
You fuck with my train, and I'll find you.
[JOHN COUGHING]
And I'll find you. Don't you mess with me.
Shit. Is that Patterson?
PATTERSON: Get the hell out of my way. Get out of here.
What are we gonna do?
You took my train and destroyed it. I'll find you.
Be cool, be cool. Do not run. PATTERSON: You wanna tangle ass?
JOHN: Patterson. We came as soon as we could.
We heard it over the scanner. Whoo!
What a mess. You're in trouble.
If there's anything we can do to help-- All you gotta do is ask.
What are you two bags of shit doing here?
You ain't even cops no more.
Come on. We just wanna help, okay? We're trying to help here.
Hey, sweet pea, how's your cock working
now that you ain't got a badge no more?
What?
This is what I think of you, you fuck-up:
CHARLIE: Hey, hey, hey. Spit in my face?
No. Hey. You aren't gonna hit him. Why not?
I'm gonna hit him. You're not gonna hit him.
BOTH: We both hit him.
[GRUNTING]
[BOTH BLOW NOSE]
PATTERSON: Arrest those two bastards. Arrest them for assault.
No, Patterson! You're under arrest!
You endangered the lives of innocent people
and you are gonna pay. JOHN: Whoa.
CHARLIE: Shit, man, did you see that?
COP: Turn around and keep moving.
That's right, arrest his ass! That son of a bitch tried to kill us!
Who are you?
Oh, you don't remember me.
Officer Santiago.
Yeah.
MAN [ON TV]: When the ball hits the bottom...
Ready, Camera 3, take three.
[CROWD CHEERING]
CROWD: Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,
five, four, three, two, one!
[ALL CHEERING]
[BOTH CHEERING]
We did it! We did it! We did it, man!
We did it! We did it! Yeah! Yeah!
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Happy New Year, man.
I love you, man.
What is? What is that? No, no, no.
No, no. It’s, uh... No, no, no.
I put on some weight. Put on some weight?
You gonna tell me you're six months pregnant?
What is this? You're gonna overreact on this, John.
Jesus! Oh, God! Jesus! I knew you were gonna overreact.
What do you mean, overreact? Are you crazy?
We risked our lives, man. No, no, no. Shh, shh, shh!
No, don't tell me-- I don't want--
It's New Year's. I can't be shutting up. No, no, no.
CHARLIE: Are you kidding me? I saved your life back there.
It's a miracle we're even alive. Hey, a miracle, and I performed it.
Come on.
Listen, we got off scot-free. Scot-free?
No, no, no.
Hands off me.
CHARLIE: That's just a down payment on the rest of your life.
JOHN: That's a down payment on 50 years to life.
CHARLIE: Are you kidding me? That's a down payment on...
CHARLIE: Do you know that we're halfway to millionaires?
Do you know that?
JOHN: Don't you know you're halfway to county?
You're halfway to federal.
CHARLIE: You can in fact buy a fucking beach.
JOHN: We ain't keeping that money. Send it back.
CHARLIE: Send it back? Get the fuck out of here.
What? What?
What, I'm gonna walk back up there and hand it to him?
JOHN: No, you're gonna put it in the mail and send it back.
CHARLIE: I ain't mailing shit. You know how--
JOHN: I ain't asking you to mail shit. I'm asking you to mail money.
CHARLIE: You are fucking funny, man. You're paranoid.
You gotta quit smoking that shit, man.
I ain't sending shit back. You gotta quit smoking that shit.
CHARLIE: You hit me one more time, I'm gonna knock you out, man.
Hey, I saved your ass. Oh, yeah, that's right, man.
That fucking shit you pulled on me in the train, man.
[SHAGGY'S "THE TRAIN IS COMING" PLAYING]